Alvah Parker is publisher of Road to Success and Parker's Points, e-newsletters providing strategies to advance your business and career goals. Click here to subscribe. Alvah is a Work/life coach, who can be reached at asparker@asparker.com, or visited on the web at www.asparker.com.

By Barbara Safani, M.A., CPRW, NCRW, CCM

During my coaching sessions, the topic that generates the most questions and the liveliest discussion is salary negotiation. While most executives are intensely interested in how to negotiate the best package, few realize the importance of creating their own style and developing a set of best practices for their negotiations. The mechanics of the negotiation are the same for men and women, but the strategies often vary between the two sexes. Personality, style, and gender are all contributing factors that influence the outcome of the conversation. Below are four differences I have observed between male and female negotiation styles.

Relationships vs. Outcomes

Women tend to value relationships over outcome and are willing to compromise in an effort to keep the relationship intact. They can be people pleasers who generally do not like conflict and confrontation. Many women associate salary negotiation with conflict. In a 2002 study by Babcock, Gelfund, Small, and Stayn, entitled Propensity to Initiate Negotiations, men and women participated in an Internet survey to identify if they believed it was appropriate to negotiate in various work-related situations. Women as a group were less likely than men to choose negotiation as an option, even though they recognized that negotiation was appropriate.

Men tend to leverage relationships to achieve their goals. They ask for a particular salary with less compromise and are concerned with outcomes. They worry less about how their negotiations affect the relationship. Their straightforward approach can work well, especially for short-term financial gain.

Recommendation: Both men and women can be successful negotiators by positioning their needs as part of a collaborative process. By listening to a potential employer's needs and recommending outcomes that benefit both parties, women and men can get what they want for themselves and preserve the relationship at the same time.

Needs vs. Wants

Many women make decisions about salary based on what they feel they need rather than what the market will bear. They use past salary as their benchmark and may rationalize that a similar or slightly higher salary is what they should ask for. Since employers tend to reward people no more than they require, women are at risk for receiving less competitive packages than their male counterparts. Despite the progress women have made professionally over the past 30 years, our culture often discourages women from asking for more and brands them as aggressive or difficult to work with when they try to negotiate.

Men are more likely to ask for what they want. Again, cultural norms may be at play here, since historically it has been acceptable for men to be assertive in the business world. In a 2003 study by Small, Babcock, and Gelfund, entitled Why Don't Women Ask, participants were asked to play a game and offered $3.00 as compensation. If participants asked for more, they would receive $10. Almost nine times as many males asked for more money, suggesting that men ask for what they want more frequently than women.

Recommendation: Both men and women can improve their negotiation skills by knowing their market value. Sites such as www.salary.com help job seekers define a potential range of salaries for a particular job. Professional associations and trusted friends in the industry are other valuable sources of information. By doing your research and presenting the business case for your requested salary, you improve your bargaining power and diffuse potential cultural biases.

External vs. Internal Centers of Influence

Women are more likely to assume that hard work alone will be recognized and rewarded with a promotion and/or increased monetary compensation. They often wait for external factors and group consensus to determine their opportunities for advancement.

Men more frequently take matters into their own hands and believe they influence their opportunities and promotions. They are less inclined to stay in dead-end jobs and more likely to ask for a raise when they feel the situation warrants one. In the Propensity to Initiate Negotiations survey, researchers studied people's propensity to see possibility for change in their circumstances. Women were 45% more likely to score low on the scale, indicating that women were less likely to see the importance of asking for what they want.

Recommendation: Men and women can increase their opportunities for promotion by taking a proactive approach to their career development that includes reporting accomplishments regularly, taking on high-profile assignments, and developing influential networking relationships within the organization.

Low vs. High Goal Setting

Women set more modest goals than men and they generally make concessions earlier in the negotiation process. As a result, women typically have lower salaries than men in similar positions.

A 2003 study entitled Gender as a Situational Phenomenon in Negotiation revealed that men typically set goals for negotiation conversations that are 15% higher than women. By going into the negotiation process with higher goals, men can often receive better initial offers and additional leverage in the negotiation process. Men who set high goals for salary negotiations benefit not only from the initial salary conversation, but from all subsequent negotiations as well. Employers often assume that applicants with better compensation records are more capable than those who have been paid less. As a result, high goal setting may create more opportunities for men as they move through their career.

Recommendation: Men and women should adopt a negotiation style that meets their individual needs, but both should incorporate ambitious targets into their negotiation strategies. When you negotiate your compensation package you are not just negotiating your starting salary, but you are directly impacting every salary increase you receive from that point forward. Employers expect you to negotiate. In addition to the financial rewards associated with salary negotiation, you will gain the respect of the hiring manager and increase your credibility within the organization.

Personal time or money? Two recent surveys present different perspectives on what job seekers value. The 2004 U.S. Job Recovery and Retention Survey, conducted by the Society for Human Resource Management and CareerJournal.com, found that 43% of employees who were looking to leave their current positions wanted to find better compensation elsewhere. In contrast, Salary.com reports that a growing number of employees would sacrifice pay to spend more time with their families, if given the choice. The compensation website asked site visitors: "What would you choose, a $5,000 raise or more time off?" Nearly two-fifths (39%) wanted more time off, an increase of almost 20% from three years ago.

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